On the last day of 8IGGER 8ETTER 8EAUTY, the SELVES were gathered at the weekly inter-species hoedown. After a rousing number,  featuring Selfloveland’s famous square-dancing kittens, they ordered some marshmellow smoothies and drank a toast to their women’s progress.

“This has honestly been the best time of my life! Of course we SELVES have it great all the time, but having our women look at us, listen to us and start doing things with us has been a total game-changer!”

“I know! I almost fell off my trampoline when SELF gave me those goal balloons!”

“Totally! I keep over seven thousand balloons in my home at all times, but those three balloons are the best ones by far!”

“In week 3, mine did a scarf dance so full-out that I did eight consecutive triple reverse Maxwells! I literally doubled my record!”

“In week 5, mine started using compassion instead of empathy! What a game-changer!”

“OMG, yes! I loved, Elisabeth’s talk on Empathy vs. Compassion! They are really starting to understand how positive intention can be misdirected into negative energy. Mine is doing a much better job of keeping our body pure!!”

“Mine, too!”

“Mine, too! I’m working on a new trampoline move called The Compassion~Swirl!! It’s 88 consecutive somersaults followed by a Giggle-Snort!”

“That sounds Amazing!! Speaking of Giggle-Snorts, I made my biggest one yet when, in week 6, mine had a personal session and rehabilitated a part of her that had been in terrible distress for decades!”

“That’s so wonderful! I had high hopes for this program, but it has truly exceeded all expectations! Mine talks to trees, now, and she’s starting to hear them talking back!”

“My favourite thing is that, now, mine speaks sometimes to me even when she isn’t instructed to!!!!”

“Mine, too!”

“Mine, too!”

“Mine, too! Did you know there’s another program called 8IGGER 8ETTER LIVING coming in September? I can’t wait to see how where they go from here!!”

“SELVES! I have some incredible news to share! This morning I was contacted by the program director at the Dixie Mcbabyman Rehabilitation centre! She heard about what’s going on with our women and she thinks it could help the women in treatment!”

“What? That is so exciting! Imagine if we could play a part in getting them back on track!”

*The dixie Mcbabyman rehab centre was a place for women who had been damaged by the work of Dixie McBabyman and her School of Purple Screams. In a bizarre twist, the centre was founded by Dixie herself, after she awoke from a disturbing nightmare in which a sixty-foot snail doing the Charlston showed her all the damage her programs had been causing.

“Can this day get any better?”

“OF COURSE!”